Wednesday, May 20, 2009

What is a Dick?

LOL bet that subject has you laughing.
So here is the story.
My son is in 5th grade. a naive 11. The class had the brilliant idea to watch a movie for their end of year celebration. So my son was introduced to Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

I ask him how he liked the movie. (it's been a long time since I've seen it. I remember something about a phone book and a trench coat and I don't think I'm remembering superman although I can't be sure. :)) He tells me plenty of funny aspects of the movie then tilts his head to the side and ask me what it means to call someone a dick? I paused then said. Hmmm, let me ask your dad.

So I ask Sean, should I tell him it's short for Richard or do I tell him it references a part of the male anatomy? I certainly don't want him running around calling everyone named Richard, Dick. but the alternative is to tell him that yep, you can insult someone by calling him another term for your private parts. Well we opted for the truth and told him he's not old enough to use the word and it goes into the same mental word file for future use when he's older as shithead, fucker, and sooo many other enlightened terms he's come home from school with.

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Wanderlust released today!

The world is waiting for her…and he’s waited long enough.

Meg Snow is having hot and wild sex with Cory Traven…in her dreams.

Four years ago he had his chance for a relationship with her. Instead, he joined the military, leaving her to endure Milcott, South Dakota on her own. Now it’s her turn for adventure and a chance to banish those erotic Cory fantasies once and for all—on a singles cruise to Jamaica.

Cory has come home for what he’d denied himself four years before. Meg. But she’s made it clear she wants anyone except him. There’s only one way to show her that what she wants and what she needs are two different things. How? Storm the beaches of Jamaica. Infiltrate his way into her bed. Breach the walls of her heart.

And show her that paradise is not in the Caribbean, but in his arms.


Cory realized two things—he wasn't in bed and he wasn't alone. Meg's butt bumped up against him. "Morning." He reached for her hip, but instead of the soft texture of her skirt or better, her smooth, bare thigh, he felt the roughness of denim.

"Good morning, baby," a deep, masculine voice said. A whiskered face placed a wet kiss on his cheek."Get off!" He kicked at Jake and pushed him off the couch.

"Get off me." Cory sat up. "Ow." He grabbed the top of his head and squeezed. "Tylenol." He fell back onto the couch while pointing to the kitchen.

Jake's chuckle pissed him off. Hangovers were a bitch, and he had the mother of all time hammering the inside of his head. Sharp pain stabbed into his temples and sunlight coming through the windows blinded him.

"When did Meg leave?" Cory asked.

"You, my brother, should know that better than I." Jake handed him two Tylenol and a glass of water. "So how did the date go last night?"

He raked his fingers through his hair and moaned. Even his hair hurt. He hadn't had that much to drink. Upon reflection, it had been a rather large bottle of wine.

"The date was a disaster."

"We told you Meg wanted more than mood music. The girl wants to feel special. Pizza and a movie are banal. You blew it, brother."

"Shut up." He popped the pills in his mouth and washed them down. "I really just wanted to spend time alone with her. It wasn't about sex."

"Then I take it you didn't get laid.

"It cost him, but he narrowed his eyes at Jake. "Meg's different and you know it." Cory leaned forward and braced his elbows on his knees. "I don't know what to do. Maybe I need a woman's perspective. Where's Sara?"

Jake nodded to the wall adjoining Cory's duplex and Meg's.

A low groan rolled from his chest as he stretched. "I'm not cooking and I'm not eating in Meg's kitchen. This morning Big Bird's Cafe is on the menu." Big Bird's served up delicious blueberry pancakes. But they were famous for their pheasant pot pie.

"I'm sure Meg will go so long as pizza isn't on the menu." Jake laughed.

Cory and Jake crossed the porch to Meg's side of the duplex.

Before the door was open, laughter could be heard from inside.

Sara squealed and launched herself into Jake's arms. "You'll never guess where I'm going." She turned her head and smiled at Meg. "Where we are going." She let go of Jake, but kept her hands on his chest. "Now, you might not like all the details." Her fingers walked over his pectorals. "But remember I'm doing this for my cousin. I need to support her and I also wouldn't want her to go on her own."

Jake smiled, but Cory had the distinct feeling he wasn't going to like what he was about to hear. Meg sat too quietly and appeared to be busy on her laptop. No, she was up to something."

So anyway, Meg found this absolutely fabulous deal on a cruise to the western Caribbean on eBay." Sara quickly kissed Jake to keep him from dissenting.

"Kiss him a bit longer," Meg said, and then chuckled. "He isn't going to like that it's a singles cruise."

"What?" Cory propped a shoulder against the doorjamb and crossed his arms over his chest. "No way." He tried to appear casual even though his internal body temperature spiked. He could just imagine the reception Meg would receive on a singles cruise. She wore those damn miniscule bikinis. Men would hover, waiting for her to show just a hint of interest. Then they would seize any opportunity to sample her.

"What?" This time it was Meg's turn to sound outraged. "It's none of your business. This is between Jake and Sara." She cocked an eyebrow. "I'm going regardless of what you think. I certainly am none of your business."

"Not the way I see it."

"No fighting you two." Sara disengaged herself from Jake. "Calm down. It's not a big deal. These ships plan events and everything is on the up and up. I can't very well let my best friend go alone."

"Exactly." Meg smiled. "Besides the tickets are already paid for. No refunds and we're looking for airfare now." She clicked a few more keys.

"We sail in three days." Sara squealed again. "I am so excited. I haven't had a vacation in years." She turned her lips into a pout. "And remember Meg couldn't come when we all went to Colorado."

"Are you nuts?" Jake asked with his brows furrowed tightly. "Don't bring that up. The girl carried a grudge for two years against Cory and me. We were only acting as chaperones."

"We're old enough not to need chaperones now." Meg bristled.

"Meg's right," Sara said. "And we don't need you to buy the booze anymore."

Jake's shoulders slumped and Cory knew the battle was over. Meg would never let them forget how they'd left her. It wasn't their fault she'd contracted chicken pox. She had to be quarantined anyway. Rather than cancel everyone's good time, they'd loaded into Steve Baxter's van and drove ten hours straight to Denver for a Matchbox Twenty concert at Red Rocks Amphitheater. He knew Meg had dreamt of Rob Thomas for months. She dreamt about all the men she found attractive. Whereas she'd been the only woman who'd ever made it into his fantasies. Of course he'd never tell her she'd been the object of every one of his teenage wet dreams. Especially since he was still having them.

"I found airfare for less than three hundred a ticket." Meg held her hand out to Sara. "Give me your credit card."

Sara tossed Meg her wallet.

"I'm paying for the airfare?" Jake asked."We're paying for it. Meg paid for the cruise ticket. It comes out even." Sara nuzzled her nose into Jake's neck.

Cory rolled his eyes. "That's what you get when you commingle money." He stuffed his fists into his front pockets. "Are we going to eat?"

"I told you Cory would be crotchety this morning." Meg handed Sara back her wallet. "Okay, we're set."

"Men aren't crotchety," Cory said. "Women are. Men are short-tempered, and you are testing mine."

Meg made her lips an O. "Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed."

Waking on the wrong side of the bed would have been an improvement so long as she had still been there. Instead, she'd just booked herself on a singles cruise. It didn't matter that he had a hangover, didn't matter that Meg and Sara didn't want to go to Big Bird's—his stomach wouldn't let him eat anyway.

For the rest of the morning Sara and Meg planned and plotted their cruise. Lucky Cory, he would have the pleasure of driving them to the airport. After last night, he had to convince her that what she wanted wasn't on a singles cruise, but standing in front of her.